Why do we love?

Jet'aime Au Revoir 3:34 PM

Saturday, July 30, 2005

was planning to have a lazy sat, at home. wal msg me tat morn, the usual: his work, the weather. He was sayin he can't even see the road wen he's drivin coz of the storm. My initial reaction was shock coz here in eunos was bright n sunny! It's only wen i checked outside then i did see dark clouds near to the central-west area. He asked me if i wanna chill wif him after work coz he won't be skating during the storm. I agreed, and had the fastest bath of my life coz he was gonna be there in fifteen minutes!! He fetched me ten minutes late i think. Haha. We went to park somewhere and "chill"(as he says), talk and have dinner afterwards. Everything should remain "friendly" but there are just certain times you can't help yourself...ya know? Though I must say, I was proud of myself coz even being the weak me, I could maintain this whole thing bit by bit. Yeah! This calls for a celebration!

Jet'aime Au Revoir 10:11 PM

Friday, July 29, 2005

now wal tells me the deal's off. Duno lah. It's somne confirmation thing.. I think he's still confused but then again, so am i. He dun understand my confusion, but again, i also dun get him. Duno lah. All in a blur now. Padahal tuesday was the best day I had spent wif him in this long run. Apparently from wat i see, he still tend not to forgive and forget. Until it makes him look like he has no faith in me and the relationship. But hey, since he still wants it, let him have it. I will try to make the best out of this situation. Trust me *wink*

Jet'aime Au Revoir 1:54 PM

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

erm...did u know i watched initial d again? ehehe.
and did you know i met an ex-bf's sis on that same day?
Was surprised we were never close but that time we were like, long-lost friends or sumthing. Really weird!!!

Jet'aime Au Revoir 1:49 PM

Back from the mess that's been happenin around me. I guess 5 days was ample time for me to calm down and settle everything one by one eh? Hehe.. I'm at work now; i took leave on monday and half day yesterday. So, what did i do on both days? Laze around with my baby boy..Hehe! We had lunch, then follow him deal w his job, then back to his place where I get to meet his sis(thanks for the score - 9/10 is reli flattering..hehehehe!). She served me milk-so sweet! Hehe! And i'm still figurin out how why his male cat kept stroking itself against my Nike bag.. Scary huh! Overall, everything is okay now.. Especially yest coz i did realize i was extra manja..hmm..must be coz I was in pain and needed a gooood hug from Wal... Lurrrrve him!

Jet'aime Au Revoir 1:42 PM

Friday, July 22, 2005

and my butt hurts...ouch

Jet'aime Au Revoir 10:21 PM

"sayang.."
"But i'm not your sayang anymore.."
"you always are my sayang..you always are."
"but i'm not..."
"well, you are...it all depends on you.."

still thinkin. I think i AM.

YIPPPEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Jet'aime Au Revoir 10:12 PM

FINALLY FINALLY Wal is out of camp! YEEEHAAAA!!!! He called as soon as he reached home. Of course i was expecting hiz call even wen he called and said "Hullo..boley ckp dgn ****(my full name)" and some other stuf. Duhh of coz i know its gonabe him! Argh!! Miz him lots sey! We planned meetin for a while, then join his army frens in town. Anything by me as long as i get to see mr sweet. Heheh! He fetched me from eun mrt and the moment i got in his car and turned at him, really, rambut so short but yet so cuuute! Hehe! He didn't believe me though. We went to cuddle for a while, wif lotsa hugs and lovin, catchin up on stuff happenin in the past days and even took our pix in our "matching" white tops. Gosssh!! Y is it that we never deliberately wear matching tapi selaluuuu sangat wear matching? I was wearin my new black cardy wif white halter, he was wearing white tee underneath his black sk8 top. Reaaaally matching huh. He loved wat I wore today, yaaay! Coz i dressed up today especially for him..and he appreciated it! Happiee happiee me...la di da deee....Now excuse me while I float in my cloud....

Jet'aime Au Revoir 9:51 PM

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Lookin at Wal's pix rite now. Ok i mean, our pix we took last sun. N especially the videos of him. Sigh.. I know I miss him lots but there's one part of myself sayin it's wrong. I know. He's not mine. We talked and msged each other yest. I told him what i thought abt everything. His reply was he wana commit but afraid history will repeat. Okay, my comment? If still afraid, meaning u are still not prepared for a commitment. You can't tell the future but if there is a prob then, didn't we make a pact to talk it out? I duno lah.. I kept quiet wen he sent me tat,then i think he got tired of waiting and called. We talked again (can't remember abt wat) but i dun thk he brought it up. But reli, wat's in my mind is that. He juz keep holding back, and i ordy told him if it's gonna carry on, I don't think I can hold on much longer. Yes I do miss him and I do love him but til wen is he gonna punish this way? Reli..I duno and im so confused but like I had said, he will never understand this confusion. Tis morn around 5plus he gave a msg sayin he's goin trainin and will only b back 2mr. But he did msg again around 9plus, but i think rite now he's probably havin a time of his life bedding with the insects, snakes and all other creatures in the jungle of jurong. (No offence here, sweets). He tot he'll finish 2mr but he will only leave camp on friday. Lama tunggu.. On one hand, it's the heck-care side of me: "hey so wat..u miz him but he ain't ur luv.." but on the other hand i go "daaammmnn..i miz him sooo much, gona cuddle him once we meet up!" Duno lah..The second part of me sound so cheeep though. But hey, alot of tms i've felt tat way ever since we "split". I hate it but its sooo hard. The feeling is right and you want him so much but if u succumb to your feelings, wat wil he think???? Alot of times i felt cheeeep and ashamed of myself but really, it's so hard. I luv him too much..it's probably why i got so sensitive wen he called me an "emo". Coz the feelings I have for him is so strong..

Jet'aime Au Revoir 8:58 PM

im home and im soooo lethargic. Ni lah dia, semangat sangat nak cari benang kat spotlight. At work I ordy ask kak zu, around here ada jual benang untuk jahit tak. She said spotlight yang kat orchard point..but then i realized, they ordy shifted to PS wat! Damnn...dari far east jalan til ps. Mana kaki tak rasa nak patah. I did find my purchases though. Costs $3.35 ea. Means i will only start altering wal's jeans at my aunt's on sat. He mati2 wana pay for my "services" but aiyah..its not even my machine. Buat malu jer..Or wat pitung always say "lu bikin malu sama gue. Tangkap sama pituuung!" Ehehe.(Not to worry, it's a family joke)

Jet'aime Au Revoir 8:24 PM

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Wal still in reservist now. I do miss him, but I have to be strong. He don't understand my confusion, but I don't blame him..I think. So maybe I was in the wrong on sunday, but I couldn't help blanking out when he asked to patch things up coz I was thinkin more of the hurt and rejection. But now i have thought about it, and yes, we both did feel hurt. And I thought we have already cooled down enough to resume. But damn, I was wrong. I mean, I tot it was over already; we have talked it out and both our tempers have cooled. Then, when I accidentally brought it up via sms, he suddenly said he actually wanted to give like 6months or more. And after that, he said he 'will msg me later. take care'. I mean, why the sudden change? We were talking and flirtin as per norm and sud, he juz grew cold??? I grew mad and really, he wanna give 6 months ke 1 year ke, if I ain't worth his time, he can forget about patching up. This time round, it's not about me any more, it's HIM. I didn't say he is, but because he's giving me the vibes of not wanting to commit, forget it. I carried on sleepin after that. Near midnite, he gave me a call, we talked as if things were normal. Okay. But really, if I really am not worth your time, forget it. Really. Just forget it.

Jet'aime Au Revoir 10:55 AM

Monday, July 18, 2005

Wal baru sent me an mms! In his uniform! Hehe!! Rambut kontot, jambul macam superman. Hahahahaha!!!!

Jet'aime Au Revoir 11:55 AM

Yesterday went out fine. In fact, it was greeeat! Actually SF insisted that "jumpa kejap je coz takut tak sempat". But actually i get to see him for like, ten hours. Yeeeah! Intially he wanted to watch Initial D (heheh, pardon the pun). Before we were out, we did plan where to go. He dowana go parkway and I dowana go tamp. But he stil cheeky wana go tamp coz all the things he wana find is there, plus he stil wana watch Initial D! So to tamp we went, he fetched me from home. Poor him coz he had to prepare for reservist the next day so in a way, he's lucky he already bought the stuff he needs for army. (Sigh..gona miz him these 4 days..sobz) Niwae, we went to get his bearings first, then for lunch at LJ. He thinks clam chowder is disgusting! Should've seen his face wen he ate that thing, haha! On the other hand, I think it's really nice. Yumzz! After that we went up to CS and watched Initial D. We watched the one in Mandarin, coz as long as got subtitles, we're okay with it. I think its the 1st movie that I went with him that I could concentrate 100%! Hahah!!! I think it's a really cool movie. Although I dun understand the language(be it the original or Mandarin), I still like it coz the plot's reli good! And yes, I don't know nuts about cars, but who cares! It's action AND comedy, man! I like though puking parts the most. Hahahahaa!!!! After that, he had to drop by at his place to change into his sk8 shoes and retrieve his board(s). As usual, duduk bawah blok while waitin 4 him. Nasib baik tak berejam, ehehe.. Then we went to opposite to follow him sk8 wif his frens. It kinda brought me to my past, coz when I was in college I did watch a then-bf sk8 wif his frens, mostly coz I was on assignment and they were my subjects. I'd bring along my gigantic SLR and shoot away whatever's there. And thankfully, they were all nice guys who were willing to co-operate. I still have the prints though, as part of my portfolio. Yester I did bring my cam and did shoot interesting stuff as well. But I didnt walk around (just sat at one corner) coz I guess I wasn't used to the environment. But it was fun, and I did manage to get good angles in some. By 7plus, we headed back to Wal's place coz he wanted me to help him pack his army stuff. Being me, I AM cluless about the army coz I never was close to an "army person" before. Heheh. Pretty interesting actually, and I managed to get some shots. After that, we chilled around his area till 10.30.. We talked about alot of things, maybe coz we hadn't been that close for the past 4 days or so..I duno.. We were talking about us..He did ask about patching things up but I knew the moment he said that I was blank. It actually started when he called me "sayang". i was like, "Umm, what did you call me?" He repeated that, then I guess I fell silent automatically. A while later he asked about patching things up, and again, I fell silent. Alot of things were zipping thru my mind. I was more confused then ever. He asked why, but I juz shook my head and said "nothing". Eventually the night went okay wen we talked about other things, but wen we touched that, I guess I got frozen.. Duno lah. But reli, I luv him lots and am missing him every minute now, and it doesn't help that he's missing in jurong now... I kept thinkin of how he held my hand for a long while before we said goodbye (he sent me home by cab coz he didn't have the keys to his transport). He held my hand while lookin at me for wat seems like a long time before letting go...

Jet'aime Au Revoir 11:23 AM

Sunday, July 17, 2005

it's saturday. OK, more like, its the weekends. And I don't have plans. Sad life huh. I woke up last morn, kinda moodless for anything. Coz I juz don't have anything to look forward for, which is sad.. When I think back back to the near past, every weekend is always the best day of the week coz I get to enjoy it with Wal. But since I'm no more a priority, I guess I have to overcome it bit by bit. I'm kinda hurt he calls me an "emo"(one of the most suckiest word to date) but if I can't cope, there isn't anyone who can change it, isn't it?? Though whatever he may say I wana try very hard to overcome everything. Apa nak jadi, jadilah coz semua ni kuasa tuhan. He ever mentioned tis line "...i have my soft side too" well boy, so do i. N wen i say tat, he calls me an emo. I reeeeli don't get it but watever he says I stil wana try hard to overcome it all. He asked later in the afternn if i had plans 2mr, of coz i don't since he himself said he had no time for me this weekend. He wana make plans wif me to go out "if sempat". Fine by me. AND he added he had to be home by 7 coz he has to be in by 9; he's doing his reservist from tomorrow til thurs. Last nite wen he was out, he said he was thinkin of me "every min every hour". If he's like so, why is he also becoming "too frenly" on the other hand? You can't blame me for being confused. One minute "oh we're frens" and the other more like a gf. You say "coz you got used to it(dah biasa)" and you now say I'm being emo? Duno wal. Call me watever you want, I'm still me. Let's just hope the date today will run smoothly, shall we?

Jet'aime Au Revoir 10:20 AM

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Went to meet Noy for dinner yesterday. Skejap pun jadilah. Itu ler nama nye sahabat! Hahah!(Sayaaang kau Noy) Niwae wen i reached the mrt station, there's a guy beside her. Familiar...It's our old classmate, Faisal. He's from our E6 class. Still the same height jer. Chet! Jahat plak. Niwae we exchanged news, mostly about our other old classmates. He's still laughs alot. After dinner we parted, but for myself, I went to buy new contacts. Went to CS, and agreed to have an eye test. After 3 funny tests later, the optician concluded my degree went up juz a liiiitle bit, and so did my astig. Hmm..when was the last time I had my eyes checked? Tat was exactly a year ago, wen Ajah bought me my frameless glasses. Tat time degree turun, now naik sikit. Apa dahhh. I should have my brain checked too. Naahh juz playin. Nihow I went home happy with new contacts to replenish my old ones. Yippeee!

Jet'aime Au Revoir 10:58 AM

Juz woke up from sleep. Dreamt I had an argument with SF. Was so angry and after proving my point, I stormed off, leaving him speechless. I made my way into a full multistorey carpark, where he soon found me and hugged me. "I'm sorry..." he said, and hugged me again.

If only dreams can come true.....

Jet'aime Au Revoir 9:18 AM

Friday, July 15, 2005

Heart of the night
In sight of skies
I watched the rain fall
In the streetlight
I'm hypnotised
By your sweet smile
Pretty as a picture
In my mind's eye

I'd do anything to have you here
Do everything to dry your tears
Baby baby won't you understand
Can't you forgive me before the love I have slip through my hands

Baby we're worth one more try
Deep inside my soul is dying
Only you can breathe new life
Baby we're worth one more try

I can't deny a thousand times
I left you all alone like a lost child
I'd sacrifice to rectify
To heal the hurt that I see in your eyes

I'd do anything to have you here
Do everything to dry your tears
Baby baby won't you understand
Can't you forgive me before the love I have slip through my hands

Baby we're worth one more try
Deep inside my soul is dying
Only you can breathe new life
Baby we're worth one more try

Jet'aime Au Revoir 11:20 AM

Thursday, July 14, 2005

I duno why I felt suicidal this morning. Even Wal got tired of comforting me. Hahah.

Jet'aime Au Revoir 5:43 PM

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

the vision of his 'love' is so unclear rite now. gives me the idea of skejap ya, skejap tidak. I know i teared in the car, he asked why. How can i say if its so difficult to do so? We did have a great time, on the other hand. Eat ice cream at city hall, "chillin" (as he puts it). But there was one part that made me think and ya, i did feel one kind. Nothing about the past or whatsoever. Ntahlah. Too personal and hard to explain...

Jet'aime Au Revoir 9:40 PM

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Very gloomy weather today. Kejap ujan, kejap tak. Luckily the rain didn't spoil my hair. Or clothes. Went jalan2 during lunch today. First was develop photos from my XD, I'm due to collect them by 5. Yeah!!! Gona give Wal a copy as well, our pictures I mean. Then I went to Borders to buy Wal's mag. I'm not supposed to buy a mag but I just can't help being tempted! (Soree Wal..i know i did say nak bajet. But how to if I have a weak conscience? =p) Niwae I bought Company mag. It sounds so not womanly at all but it IS a ladies' mag. Have yet to read it, along wif my lib book. Harhar.. Then I went to the mrt stn to top up my ezlink, then make my way back. While goin down the escalator I did realize someone called "Ros!" three times from my back. I turned around, got 3 guys tapi satu pun I tak kenal. Who the hell..? Whoever you are you better speak up! Coz the only people who call me that are sch frens and work frens. Duno lah. I just buat bodoh and walked off to buy my "lunch" - Rocky Road muffin from famous amos. Sad huh. Earlier this morn I was texting Karim, a so-called continuation after yest where I fell asleep. Damnnn..it means the whole crew called me Desperado! And i KNOW who started it! Noy, tak baik ah engkau...Kau nye pasal they call me that sey..Sobz.. Mostly we were talkin about old times where they sakat us girls. Its not fair though, especially to Noy coz she had to tolerate the most! We were also discussing who we "despised" in class the most, and our answers were unanimous! Hahah..guess who's that 'lucky' bitch huh..Har har. Sigh, I reli miz those times. Yeah, so maybe(like he said) I was more or less an ice queen, it seemed he was the only guy classmate i talked to the most coz he was alwayz directly behind me when we queue every morn or when we take exams. And he got me in trouble for talking to me during an exam! Kena marah dgn Mrs Chee, ni sume kau nye pasal ah! Luckily we were not expelled or worse.. Talkin abt being expelled, it also got us talkin abt THAT incident where *someone got expelled.. Damnnnn... I should have stood up for myself..Bloody bitch...

Jet'aime Au Revoir 3:55 PM

Monday, July 11, 2005

Had lunch at Secret Recipe. Alone. Grilled mushroom chicken meal, came with soup, drink and brownie. Now macam teddy bear, rasa kenyang and buncit. Still, wat else is new? (I know you're reading this Wal..Dun laugh at me!)

Jet'aime Au Revoir 2:21 PM

Spent quite a long time wif SF smlm. Hmm...12.15 till 10.30 or so.. Hahah! He waited for me outside my house and we're off to...eh, where did we go eh? Lemme think.. Oh yah.We went to the lib first to return my comics. Hehe. Sadly we couldn't find any good mags. Duno lah why coz he was looking for Slap and I was lookin for any nice girly mags. In the end, I only borrowed a book called 'Her'. Have yet to start on it though..when I find the time. Hehehe.
Anyhows, while walking toward the lori, we were deciding where to eat. He dowana go Parkway ordy coz dah jelak. Abih nak makan kat mana kan, since he's much hungrier than me. (Selera makan tahap gelojoh...yikes!) Lagipun I was gona shop for stuff today so it doesn't really matter where we go as long as there's a mall nearby. In the end he suggested city hall. Okay by me. So we went to City Hall, had our lunch there. Duno why I couldn't finish my rice, got a feeling my food-capacity is gettin smaller...i hope.Haha! Anyhows after that we went to Raffles City to get our stuff. I can't say wat exactly lah, so maluuu.. Ehehe. But I did get myself new ones and I'm wearin them now..Sooper comfy.. Anyhows I'm glad Wal was comfortable wen I was shopping stuff. I mean, there are guys who mati2 dowana come along wen gals shop. We went to search for his sk8 mags at mph afterwards. We went to 2 outlets in the area but he still couldn't find 'em! I guess we'd get them the next time he fetches me from work then..Hehe. Coz i guess that's the time he can hang around borders for some time until i finish work. Anyhows it started raining, a slight drizzle at first. And becoz i had juz styled my hair at the salon the day before, I can't afford to get my hair wet! I ended up wearing my cardy like tudung while walking quickly in the rain. Hair check, whew! Still nice and in shape. Hehe! We're lucky to be leaving around the time the rain stopped. Coz after that drizzle it was really "meow2 woof2" (as Wal puts it). We went to hang out straight after shopping..And after that I had to drop by his place to retrieve the missing half of my aunt's pontianak vcd. Tertinggal plak. I did meet his two cats which looks ewok-ish, especially Creature. We did hang around at the void deck, flipping thru my 97 yearbook that he returned as well.. Poring over the moment when i was 15 and he was..17. Wow, how fast time flies. As usual, that time he malu2 kucing. Nampak kat kanteen tak nak tegur. Haha! Padahal wen meet up wif his fren and i was there(wif the fren), baru nak lambai. Bacin plak.. Haha..those were the good ol days... He looks cute then wat.. But then again, so do I!

Jet'aime Au Revoir 9:18 AM

Thursday, July 07, 2005

The pain was too much for me to take... Im still nursing my heartache.. S'cuse me..

Jet'aime Au Revoir 2:44 PM

Yesterday nite with wal..Hmm..I know it's my duty as a gf to accompany him, so no matter what I will be the one to accompany him. He was there with me when I needed him the most.. Gosh, i remember the burning pain after treatment. It sucked! The first time I received the nitro treatment, it was soooo bloody painful it was hard to walk. I did say to Wal, "kalau lambat sangat, you boleh balik dulu. I can try goin home by cab" coz the treatment took quite long. But he insisted on staying, and his reason for so really melts my heart =) It's written in my notebook(it's with him now, i left in his car yest...argh!).. Anyhow due to all the times he had stuck with me thru my pain, of course I would do the same for him. I mean, he's my boyfriend and this is one of the things girlfriends do. Rite? Anyhow...We finished early yest, so we went to have a meal together at funan, he gatal nak gi penin coz he wana buy a cap. Ish ish, nama aje bajet eh! Spent a whole lot of time together, talking..hugging..sumthing that I needed the most. Soemtimes I feel I'm lucky, sometimes I don't. But yest was definitely lucky!! Sigh..I do love him to pieces...

Jet'aime Au Revoir 12:10 PM

im still covering frm shock at the office.My mug has been invaded..by a lizard! Bloody hell!! In due of my half day yest,i didnt wash my mug. It had abit of milo inside..and juz now wen i was about to throw the residue into the sink, i did notice how come got solid stuff in the milo...until...this big lizard came out wriggling! Grosss.....i think i screamed too loud...

Jet'aime Au Revoir 9:45 AM

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Yesterday had a "wonderful" dinner at Secret Recipe,PS. Initially its supposed to be me and Noy and Sakit. I met Noy at the entrance already and we went to the toilet first(penat aku tunggu Faizal...Grrr.) Anyhows by the time we were "done" Faizal said he's goin sumwhere for a moment with his friend, and will meet us in half an hour. "Korang jalan-jalan lah dulu, pompuan kan suka window-shopping". Fiiiiine...Dahlah penat jalan dari orchard to dhoby ghaut, suruh aku tunggu lagik. Luckily we girls did occupy ourselves with windowshopping(as he said) at PS; bcoz we hadn't been here for quite a while, it was fun. I'm gonna return here wif Noy once we get *rich! Haha!! Anyhows after that long wait we met Sakit at the entrance of Secret Recipe. He came with a friend. Dari jauh hmm..familiar je. Then I whispered to Noy, "Eh, dia datang dengan TakTam lah.." Turned out his fren was a tpss guy oso, my bf's fren! Sakit pun satu, dah tau bawak kawan tak bilang early2. no wonder when i called him, he said "Aku ikut kawan aku skali.Alah korang kenal lah kawan aku.." Derrr... One fren(or ex-fren to Noy) from our gang had a crush on him, haha! Sadly I duno where she went after O'levels coz she moved house and all that. At the same time she also don't make an effort to remain in contact so...duno lah. Kinda miz my frens frm my sec1 & 2 gang sumtimes. Sigh. How fast time flies. Tat was ten years ago, okay! But bcoz evryone knows wat sooperdooper photographic memory I have, it seems I'm the only one who remembers most things. Like wen Noy keep falling..in public! Wakaka!! Kat hall, she tripped over those PE mats..Karim and Botak were right behind us and they were really laughing so hard..Kah kah!! Sigh...sec sch time really is the BEST time to have fun. Anyhow bila masa lah I can melalut about my "wonderful" past? Back to dinner. Okay..during dinnertime, i sat beside Noy and Faizal's in front of me. Seriously, I feel like knocking his head smlm. Really loyar buruk sak. Grrr.. At least Fazly isn't irritating like *our fren.. Grr.. Anyhow, it was supposed to be Faizal's treat commencing his pay and also coz he already promised us. But i thk Noy feel bad (hard to explain lah) so she whispered to me(without them noticing) that she's gonna go up and pay for the meal first. She gave the excuse of goin to the ladies'. I played along, but also into a fit of giggles. Harhar! When she came back, she said "I can't find the ladies ahh.." Fazly replied "Tuu..yang kat hujung tu, kan toilet.." They nearly got us, but Noy replied "Umm..takpelah." When we about to leave, Noy was like "Oii..mcm mana ni..aku takut nak bilang." I urged her to say lah, if not paisey pulak kawan kita tu. When she told him, he was like "What??? Malu siol!" But really, that's the nature of Noy. Susah nak explain. Lagipun both of us yang suggest this place so we did feel one kind beforehand laa. We left soon after our meal. Nice actually but my cordon bleu chicken really rip off sey; the cheese in the pic look like dripping but when it came to me, the cheese was curdled! I've been duped! Sigh...eh, kinda cold lah in this office..Brrr...Im taking half day today..Yippeeedoooo! Gonna temankan my baby go somewhere lah. Hehe. Kat mana? Secret...

Jet'aime Au Revoir 11:38 AM

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Alot of things zipping thru my mind. I feel like i wanna say it, but i just can't. I have to think of other people's feelings too. I duno. I may look okay, my friends may think I'm okay, but deep inside me, who knows? Everything seems to be taking a turn and are changing for the worse now. Things are just aren't what they seem. And I just don't know who is to blame for all this. I could feel a huge strain on top of me. It's a matter of time before I can compose the stress and explode. What I had back then isn't the same of what i have right now. Something is just blocking this connection that I have with him, but what is it? Jealousy, anger, hurt, betrayal? I had never felt this confused before. Sleepless nights accompanied by hurt anger confusion. At this point of time, I reminisce back to the good ol days. Where my happiness was never restricted. There wasn't anything that could get in my way. The phrase "i love you" was given a clear, warm and fuzzy meaning. Happiness was a feeling that life can never go wrong. So where's the love right now? Times have changed but why is his love changing too?

Jet'aime Au Revoir 1:47 PM

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Hmm..feels like a long time since i've written..I dowana dwell on my past entry coz im tryin hard to take in every new experience one by one. I may be impatient, which is why im trying to be a better person for my future. I duno, its just that there's some things that you gotta accept though you really have bad vibes on it. I duno..I have had bad vibes that were wrong before, so i can't be too careful. But whatever it may be, I will try my very best to be the best that I can be for my future happiness. (Clap clap clap...)
Movin on...as the subject says...hahaha...i feel like i'm floating! Today's date with Wal is reli grrreat! Haha! We went to watch batman begins...hmm,, wat can i say for that movie yaa..Hmm...Okay it IS kinda draggy (well, i do sense Wal really concentrating the whole time; I was the one tucking in, restless..as usual) but when the good parts come in (when the idea of batman evolves) i paid more attention. AND it does help that Batman himself is kinda good looking. Katie Holmes really does have "beady" big eyes! Haha! And it does help the movie did insert some comedy. Haha! AND there was a scene which affirms the reason why I'm gonna call Wal "Batman". (If he reads this, he's sure to laugh...wakaka...) After the movie its off to the lib to return my books. Wal dropped me off at the carpark coz i told him that it is a hassle for him to park near the lib. I dun mind the carpark being quite far, coz its still within walking distance to the lib. But i was kinda disturbed when i passed the lib twice and being "harrased" by "mutts" who hang around that place. Gross! Movin on, we had dinner..Macdonald's again, heehee! I just finished my berrynice yogurt. It reli is berry nice!OK, minus the oats thingy which wal always eats for me but today he refused coz he says the oats abit soft, so i had to finish the whole thing by myself. Bleeugh! As usual we always talk in the car before i eventually walk home. We were discussing my haircut, coz he insisted I look better with short hair. And I insisted how ugly i would look by letting him see all the ugly pictures i took during my short-haired days. I can't believe he said i look good. Double bleuuugh!! Anywayz i insisted I will still keep my hair long no matter what coz being very vain me, I lurrrve styling my hair and doin it up in different styles. So for now, no short hair for me! (Till this date, Wal says I look good in both types of hair...as long as my fringe's not too short. Horrror!!)

Jet'aime Au Revoir 10:23 PM