Jet'aime Au Revoir 2:02 PM

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Hmm..was thinkin alot about life since the past week or so.. Hmm..(thinkin again).. I duno eh.. People say i'm stuck-up, unfriendly, unapproachable.. Well, i can't blame them for saying that. I do know i am unapproachable. But "straightfowardly" I am really really shy..Very introvert. I find it so hard(even now) to ask the staff to help me in any case I need their help wen shopping. Or i find it so hard to strike up a conversation wif someone. It doesn't mean the opposite sex alone, ok! Like, okay tat friday i met wal at tamp. We serempak his fren, someone i recognize from tpss. Wen wal and his fren were talking, i did look at his fren's gf. Ok, usually to start salam someone is something i'm not used to. Though I know i'm supposed to, automatically. So anyway, i look at her to acknowledge her presence, like smile or something. But she oso expressionless. By the time i divert my attention somewhere else then i saw her(at the corner of my eye) tat she realize i look at her and she smiled. But aiyah, i dah tengok lain so...? Second time was wen i ikut wal watch his frens sk8. His fren brought his gf there, who i initially get to know already. Wen i reach there, of coz lah i tail wal wherever he go. Tak kan nak duduk diff place from him kan. But wen we ordy pass the girl, then he say, "Abih tak salam?" He meant the gal. Ooopz.. Really, i bukan sengaja but really not automatic. Will try though coz til bila-bila pun pple say i sombong. Tengok aje Karim, til now say I sombong. Then again, so does Wal. So anyway, its then baru i salam that gal. Also talk to her, tu pun Wal start the conversation. Then i could pick up and talk. Really..i know susah and i can't help it..but i reaallyyy wana change that. Really!! Third was wen he singgah his place to fetch his maid, after that then he send me home. Ini i betol2 tak sengaja. Coz wen reach my place ordy, he said his maid dah hulur tangan. But i swear i tak nampak! Wat i did was kluar from the lori, smile at his maid, then quickly masok my house to retrieve his sk8mag i bought for him. By the next day then he ask why i tak salam. I really really tak nampak sey. So now, wen i think of all this incidents, pple will REALLY think i'm arrogant. Sigh.. Nak dikatakan, even hari raya pun i tak biasa wen my relatives salam + peluk cium. I will automatically stiffen. Bik Ros does tat every year; walau kita tak rapat but she salam tat way. And i think she does i realize i did stiffen. Haha..Not tat i treat tis thing macam main2, juz my point of view. Nak dikatakan even wen peluk my dad pun i stiffen;my two other sisters have no trouble doing so. So wats wrong wif me? Somebody check my brain quick! I can easily snuggle to friends(yes, even toward Noy..kih kih) and boyfren(Wal..it's too natural wen it's with him). So...wats it with me? Sombong..unapproachable..Sigh. Dari sec sch lagi. Tats why the guys from E6 said i'm diff now(well, at least a bit) coz i talk more, and i no more wear tomboy stuff. Oklah sometimes wif wal I would wear that lesbo gear but most of the time i'm fluffily pink. Sigh.. So conclusion? I'm workin on being "friendlier" and "more approachable". The end. AMIN!